if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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