that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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