I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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