I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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