And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
