so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
