I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
