He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
