i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
