Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
