It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just gift wrapped bread.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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