My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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