the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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