I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
