Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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