everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This house was built for laser tag.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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