they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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