and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
