help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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