bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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