Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
