I got chris browned last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My ATM looks so different sober.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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