On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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