did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
