Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
