On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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