Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
