I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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