For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
