Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
