god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope mine doesn't look like that
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found puke in my bra..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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