When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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