Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize