Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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