Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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