I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
