I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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