found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize