I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize