About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
