and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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