I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
