This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
