Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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