I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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