Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
