PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
