I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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