Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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