at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize