Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
