No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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