"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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