I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
