Apparently you make a good broom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
