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• (415): View more from California

  worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.

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• (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.

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