there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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