I CAN MOONWALK!
this beer tastes like vomit already
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
