eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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