I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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