What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was CRYING into my vagina
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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