That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
