I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
