I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
