just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize