You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
