her vagine was all disorganized.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
