So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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