i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
