I look better un-naked...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
