I want to make a zoo with you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
