So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
