why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
