Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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