That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
