Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
