I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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