When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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