i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
