I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
two words...techno handjob
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
