you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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