I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
