This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
