I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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