dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
