I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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