is wine microwaveable?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
