there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
