If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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