At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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