i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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