Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
