I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
