There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
