dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
