i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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