My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize